that other world
I was a pretty weird child. I didn’t have a lot of human friends; I was more content playing by myself with my imagination. I was happy, and I think I expressed this pretty clearly to my parents, but I guess they couldn’t help but worry about me anyway, because they would take me to the local playground every now and then in an attempt to get me to socialize with kids my age. I didn’t mind; it was a much bigger and better place to express myself than my backyard or the schoolyard, plus it was fun to play with actual people sometimes. That said, while most of my fondest memories were created in my backyard, there was one time I went to that playground that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
It was a cool autumn day. The wind blew by peacefully, bringing the smell of fresh rain and occasionally a couple golden orange leaves with it. I had found a small group of kids to play with - a rare occurrence - and we had decided to play hide and seek. However, to make things more interesting, we had decided that we could hide anywhere in the park, not just the playground, as both were pretty small. I wasn’t sure where to hide, as I had already used all of my good hiding spots. As I looked around, I caught a glimpse of what looked like a fox running behind a lonely tree in the distance. Intrigued, and with no better hiding spot, I ran to the tree, but strangely, the fox wasn’t behind the tree like I expected. I wondered if maybe it had run up the tree somehow, and as I grabbed onto the tree to attempt to climb it, it felt as though I had pressed some kind of button as part of the tree opened up like a vault containing all the universe’s secrets. Instantly filled with wonder, I peered inside, only to see nothing but darkness. I crawled inside anyway, thinking that even if it led nowhere, it would still be a killer hiding spot, and strangely, it seemed to be much bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. I ventured deeper and deeper, curious to see how big this place really was, and as I did, the darkness in front of me slowly faded away and I began to see a faint light ahead of me. With something new in front of me, my pace began to quicken, and after what simultaneously felt like hours and seconds, I emerged from that queer cave of sorts into a mystical forest. Green leaves covered the sky like a roof of vegetation, and sunlight slipped through the cracks, lightening up the forest more than enough to see while still being pretty dark. As I looked around, I saw what seemed to be a group of anthropomorphic animals having a campout. I kind of couldn’t help but just stare at them in wonder for a while. They seemed to be having a great time together. I could hardly understand anything they were saying from where I was standing, but I still felt a strange sort of connection to them that I hadn’t really ever felt before. I then noticed that one of them - I think it was a wolf - seemed to be looking directly at me. I quickly ducked behind the tree I was peeking out from, hoping it hadn’t actually seen me. Looking back, I’m honestly not sure why I was so scared. They really hadn’t done anything to warrant the fear I felt. I guess it was just because they looked and acted weird? Or at least, different from what I was used to. I mean, it’s not every day you just stumble across a bunch of anthropomorphic animals having a campout. Anyways, my curiosity slowly got the best of me, and I peeked out a little bit to see that they were still looking in my direction. I still wasn’t sure if they were actually looking at me or just happened to be looking in my direction, but then they waved at me. Instantly I felt much more relaxed, and with cautious optimism, I waved back. I thought about going over there, but I then remembered that there were other humans actively looking for me, so I decided to leave and keep this place a secret. I also decided not to hide in or near the tree to prevent anyone from finding it accidentally like I did, because I had a feeling that if too many people knew about that place, it would be bad for everyone.
It’s been over 8 years since that day, and I’ve kept the secret of the tree hidden since then. I have gone back there, though only a couple times. I don't really get many opportunities to go there, and when I do, it's not for long. Just yesterday, though, after nearly a year since my last visit, I was able to come back for my longest visit yet. My mom and dad had left me home alone so that they could eat dinner together for their anniversary. I had recently finished a hugely taxing school project, and with nothing else to do, I took the opportunity to blow off some steam by taking a walk to the park and visiting that other world. That was a time I really needed the ethereal tranquility that place brings. As I sat under one of those vibrant trees, I felt the static in my head slowly leave. I closed my eyes. The smell of fresh rain soothed my burnt soul. I felt rejuvenated, as though this was my first time seeing the sun in nearly a year. After some time, I started to hear grassy footsteps behind me. I quickly turned around to see what looked like one of those furry creatures approaching me. This had never happened before. A part of me wanted to run, and a part of me wanted to stay and find out what they’d do. I wasn’t sure which part to listen to, so I sorta just stalled out there, staring as it approached me. After what simultaneously felt like hours and seconds, the creature reached my tree and sat down on the other side, and suddenly, I understood everything. For a few fleeting, magical moments, nothing was said. It felt like there was a mutual understanding that we were there for the same reasons. I could’ve stayed there forever, and I would’ve if I didn’t have a life I had to deal with in my world. For now though, this was more than enough.
~~~~~
Eventually, the silence was broken.
“So… you come here often?” the creature asked.
“Well,” I sighed, “Not really. I mean, how could I? My life is too jam-packed full of… stuff. School wastes eight hours of my day five days a week, and whatever time I have left I have to spend working. There’s barely any time to do stuff I actually care about. It’s just… sometimes it just feels nice to get away from it all for a bit.”
“Oof, I feel ya’ there mate,” the creature responded.
I was a little surprised by this response. “Really?” I said. “Your world looks so much better than mine, I wish I could live here.”
“Well, they say the grass is always greener on the other side, but unfortunately, no place is perfect,” it said. “Of course, it’s also just nice to not have to talk to people at all for a bit.”
Boy, did that hit close to home.
“True,” I said with a smile. It had been a while since someone had made me feel so seen. Deep down I know a lot of people probably struggle with the same things I do, but it’s still nice to have confirmation, you know? To actually talk to someone that relates to how I feel… it felt validating.
We sat in silence for a while. There really wasn't anything I'd rather have been doing at that moment. I knew I couldn't stay forever, so I made sure to enjoy the time I did spend. I think I succeeded.
~~~~~
Eventually, the time came. I stood up, stretched a bit, and said “Well, I should really go now.”
“Wait, before you go,” the creature started, “I just wanted to say… don’t be too hard on yourself, ok? Don’t feel like you gotta be what everyone else is telling you to be. And come back sometimes. You’re welcome here.”
“Oh, uh… thanks.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say in the heat of the moment, but their words really stuck with me.
I’ve had a lot of issues with myself in the past. I’ve had issues with being perceived as “cringe” or “edgy.” I’ve had issues with thinking people are “just being nice” when they give me compliments, and that nobody actually cares about me. I’ve had issues with feeling like a burden. I’ve had issues with feeling alone. It wasn’t great, but as I said, it’s in the past now, because eventually I realized that all these issues stem from the same thing: caring too much about what others think of me. Who cares if people think I’m cringe for liking this weird thing? They’re the cringe ones for judging me over something so harmless. Now, whenever I hear someone say “Stop that, you're too old for that, that's for girls, that's for kids, that's weird, that's cringe,” I just smile to myself, because I know who I am. I know where I belong, and it isn't here.